I had a major breakthrough the past couple of days, re; Blank (yoga teacher) and this yoga thing. Stop putting people on a pedal stool and see them for what they really are and stop attracting these people who confirm your lack of self confidence and try and put out your light. Stop being around people who stop you from shining! This incident has left me feeling empowered and remembering my truth. I really feel that is is no coincidence that yesterday my name was legally changed to my spiritual name which is Sarvasmarana (Eternal Remembrance of ALL) ALL meaning Existence, Him as Swamiji told me. This all ties into the Ha Sa mantra or the So Ham. Ham Sa is the perfect union of balance and life. So Ham can be translated to “That I am” which is often identified with the Supreme Spirit or Bhahman. Complete Oneness with the Divine. This all beautifully synchs in with the most recent discourse Swamiji gave in the Brahma Sutras on 3/22/11 samyana on Swayam Prakasha (Self Luminous) . When the auspicious qualities or Ananda Kalia Gunas are remembered in the waking state all our current reality gets sucked in the the Enlightened state and that starts expressing itself as dharma. If we can just remember our larger self strongly we will just wake up. Not only do I feel completely in synch with this sutra but I also believe it was a blessing that I received from Swamiji by doing samyana on the “Secret of Clairvoyance”. By doing samyana on the self effulgent (shining, brilliantly; resplendent) light in ourselves we will gain knowledge about the distant, subtle and hidden things. It is a self diagnosis tool to unravel the hidden treasures in ourselves and in others. The past few weeks have been intense to say the least. There seems to be an immense battle going on. I can feel an emergence taking place and at the same time my old identity just getting torn to shreds. Extreme highs and lows. The lows have pretty intense for me because when I get into that state it’s as everything becomes heavy and I can’t see the sun shining behind the clouds. So I have been praying for a huge breakthrough. During this samyana’s I have been receiving abundant messages which are so deep I could never come with on my own. It is definitely Divine knowledge coming through. One of the messages was as follows “ I will remove the blockages; guilt, not good enough and empower you to shine, you will experience a breakthrough.” So many clicks occurred all at once it’s so difficult to explain, but I do know they are all tied in together and have created a huge breakthrough in my consciousness. Yesterday as I was waiting in the court room to be called for the name change I opened up my mini Living Enlightenment book and Swamiji says “that if you are continuously sad or are having self-pity then you will attract relationships, friend, etc. who will make life sadder for you and you will continue to attract people who abuse you, because you feel comfortable with them. Even if they abuse you, you forget that they abused you and you begin to relate with them again. If you are in that mood or in that consciousness you will attract these abuse relationships and people around you.” Even though these people or situations may not be healthy for you, you continue to make excuses for them and say they have a good heart or whatever. I immediately related to this because this has been a reoccurring theme for myself. I am not saying this teacher abused me in any way, he was just the same person in different clothes representing the same situation that has occurred for me over and over again in my life. The clicker was I saw the signs a long time ago but I have continued to praise this person and look beyond the disturbing qualities all the while diminishing my own light so that this other person can shine and I can wilt away in the shadow. The symbolism that helped to realize this, this am was when I was closing my container of kum kum the lid would not close so I was forcing it and at the same time I could feel pain, it turned out to be a splinter of some sort, despite the pain I forcibly continued to close the lid. I did get a splinter in my finger just at that moment I go the click! It was even though I feel the pain sometimes I force situations fully knowing they are not good for me. The lesson was don’t force. This is exactly what I have been doing by trying to strategy plan in my life instead of allowing Existence to guide to the proper place and situations. I have not been surrendering I have been forcing. Surrendering is a constant happening it is not final. Along with this click I saw my own ignorance and arrogance in the whole scenario. Surrendering and lack of trust cannot co-exist. I have had such a tight grip on what I think needs to happen that I have been obscured to what could be a better reality for me and that is allowing the Master to provide what is necessary for the breakthrough to occur. This is one of those ‘rotten apples‘ that Swamiji talks about. An unpleasant situation being presented to me so that I may vomit the poison and emerge as that self effulgent radiant light that I am!